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After a while my boyfriend was asked to leave so I could rest and I was taken back to the ward and into a private room, I was still unaware of my baby’s sex and didn’t think I could cope knowing. When the doctors and nurses were changing shifts, two nurses came in my room both unaware I didn’t know my baby’s sex and said “this young girl as just given birth this morning to a baby girl with potters syndrome”
That is how I found out the sex of my baby. It was soon visiting time my boyfriend returned with my mum and sister who was also pregnant. My boyfriend was asked if he wanted to see the baby by the nurses he said yes, but the nurses advised him to talk me out of seeing her, I do regret not saying goodbye to my baby, I was given a photo of baby Joanne and I cherish the picture so much, unfortunately you can’t see her face properly but it’s the only thing I have of hers. My boyfriend saw her and did say she looked like me and had a lot of black hair. If I could turn back time I would have held her and told her how much I needed and love her.
A few days later I was discharged as my stitches were healing, the doctor came to see me when I arrived home to see how my stitches were and said it was healing alright, but how long would it take for my emptiness to heal? The bereavement councillor came a few days later to speak to me about Joanne but I hadn’t really grasped what had happened and think it was far to soon to talk about it.
A post-mortem was performed and then I received a phone call saying the funeral was on the Wednesday 26th march. My family wanted to be there but I only wanted to say goodbye with my boyfriend. We had already registered the birth and death in the hospital on the 18th march, so we could have a name on her birth certificate and she wasn’t put down as stillbirth as she lived a very short life.
The hardest time was when we eventually went out and we bumped into my boyfriend’s mates and we had to explain we had lost our baby girl. It was very hard for us both to take we parted not long after. I returned to Barrow-in Furness
I had a silver plaque made and it was placed in the flower room at Lancaster crematorium. I was never told were my baby’s ashes were placed so use to wonder round thinking what had happened to them. I go to Lancaster every Christmas and birthdays to place flowers, it wasn’t until 15 years later I was told by an employer where Joanne’s ashes were, There is a special garden for baby’s and she thought Joanne’s were there she looked in a book and said yes she is scattered with all the other little angels. So me and my husband Dave bought her a flower boulder in her own little garden. We can now finally lay her to rest with all the other angel baby’s.
She will always be part of my life and I wont let her younger sisters and brother forget her. People ask would you have terminated the pregnancy if you had known there was something wrong with her, the answer is no. She was born to live in heaven. I was one mother who found out a few years ago that slides and samples were kept of Joanne at Lancaster hospital and believe she will one day help others to understand
Potters syndrome and why it happens so her life wasn’t in vain.
She is remembered every day in my heart, I find it better to talk about her and not keep my feelings hidden and show my emotions. Although some people try to avoid the questions and don’t like to talk but it is something I found better to do as Joanne is a person, although she only lived on earth for 30 minutes she is an angel in heaven now. If I am able to help anybody with his or her loss I would be very pleased to.
